Bellevue, MO

Bellevue South math teacher Richy Johnson has been placed on administrative leave pending an investigation after a student filed a complaint about Mr. Johnson’s “revealing” khakis.

The student claims that she could make out the vague outline of Johnson’s genitalia through his khaki pants. The student said it was especially disturbing because she could tell that Johnson’s testicles were split by the center seam of his khakis, with one testicle resting “a little too snugly” on each side. “It looked like he’d stuffed a water balloon in his pants,” she said. She also claims she could see the outline of “the tip,” which the student said appeared to be circumcised and leaning to the left.

When asked for comment, Mr. Johnson said, “Whether I’m circumcised or not is none of your damn business!”

Administration says they have assigned a social worker to help the student work through her trauma. They’ve also moved the student to a different math class. “A student can’t be expected to concentrate on math in that kind of environment. It’s obscene!” said principal Duntz.

“I hope he gets fired for what he’s done to me,” said the student. “I just can’t unsee it. Math will never be the same for me. Water balloons either.”